Bookmark.

There's this girl I know....yeah, I know I'm always talking about some girl. But this girl is different. She's always been the one. 8 years and it was all still the same. It never went away. If anything it grew in intensity. It finally happened. We were finally together. The best 2 1/2 months of my life....hands down. As I do frequently, I fucked it up. Too many pills. Too many shots. Too many fucked up nights. Too much. Too much. Too much. You could've died and I have to go because you have to get yourself together. 

Once we talked about how all of the other people we were with were just bookmarks in our stories that we were going to finish together. All of the others had simply fit in to our story but we didn't write them in. I never thought we would become bookmarks to the other. I never thought things would end up this way. 

15 days I haven't had a thing in my body to alter my mind. No alcohol. No pills. No nothing. Yesterday the wedding ring. Stupid. I don't even think I ever made it to bookmark status. I feel like a place holder. Like when you turn down the corner of the page so you know where to pick back up when the time arises. 

What do I have to do to prove that that life is what I want? That one I had from August through October. Minus all the crazy and self destruction. Apparently it doesn't matter. Wedding rings and multi colored flowers and lies. The stuff dreams are made of.