Insecurity.

What a stupid stupid thing. We all have it and anyone who says they don't probably isn't telling the truth. Let's break this down, shall we? According to Webster:

noun [plural in·se·cu·ri·ties.]

1. lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt:He is plagued by insecurity.

But why? What happened to cause us to think we don't have that confidence or assurance? For me it was years and years of being cheated on and lied to (not by my current ex, she's always been super respectful of me and us). So eventually I just figured this is the way things go so just be prepared for it. The problem here is that past experiences do not always show up in current or future experiences. So! While I was sitting around being insecure about the ex hollaring at some rando chick, I should've reminded myself that she's with me and if she didn't want to be with me, she would leave (unfortunately she did leave but I still like to think it had nothing to do with someone else). I wasted precious time blowing off compliments and love from someone who was really willing to give it to me because she really did feel that way. I always negated that. Yknow when someone says you look pretty and you respond with "yeah my fat ass was actually able to fit in this"? No? Just me? Well that's a typical me response for compliments. Instead of thank you - even if I didn't internalize it. I think it used to hurt her feelings to have compliments brushed off, and I wish I had realized that a little sooner. Stupid brain. My new tattoo has me feeling pretty sexy lately....here's a pic:

Let's seeeeeeee.....pictures for this entry......

This is a love note I received today - apparently my facial expressions were NOT well contained. 

This morning's sunrise :)

Oh and in case you were curious, I'm still making my bed :) 

Whack.

So I was just sitting here thinking about a few things: first - who is the sadistic individual who decided that 8:30am was a good time to report to work? Im a sleeper-in so I definitely hate hearing my alarm go off. Im pretty sure nothing bad would happen if we all went in at say 10 instead of 8:30. Move over, presidential candidates...I can make real shit happen. Im too tired for all this nonsense. The saying "the early bird catches the worm" is irrelevant to me for these reasons: worms are kinda icky and im not primitive and in need of digging in the ground for a snack...so let me sleep in.

Next up is the topic of allowing habitual heart breakers to keep doing the same shit to you over and over again. Really? Know the saying "hurt me once, shame on you....hurt me twice, shame on me?" How about this for a new outlook: "hurt me once and there wont be a chance for 'shame on me'". What exactly do you think happened since the last time they pulled this nonsense? Some kind of come to jesus talk? I'll tell ya what happened: they just got better at it because they practiced the aforementioned heart break on others before asking for you back. ***NO, devil ex has not asked me to get back with her, this is just a general bitch session*** maybe I should stop checking status updates so early? Maybe? Maybe we shouldn't have to work so early and I wouldn't be tempted to do so...put that in your pipe and smoke it.

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