Awake.

I feel awake. Mentally and emotionally awake. For the first time in a long time. 23 days of not getting wasted to deal. I've thought so much about so many things. I remember when I used to be happy and fun and kind and not all twisted up like I have become. I found a list today from April 2011 of things that I love. It's really long and as I was reading it I realized that I stopped paying attention to a lot of those things. I still do love all of the things on that list. When I was reading it, my heart felt full. I was reminded of things that used to make me happy and how it's not so hard to be happy. I hate that I became so unhappy. I hate that I pushed people away. I hate that I didn't continue to love and care for those things. I want it all back. I want that full heart and that love and the love of people places and things again. I'm gonna keep that list with me so I can refer to it when I need to. I want myself back. I miss the old Kari.